The wife serving her husband

 

Is it the wife's duty to do all
the housework, must the husband help her or not? Or is it possible, that her work is just
a favour to the husband and the family and she will be rewarded for it, as if she gave
sadaqa?

Praise be to Allaah.

The more correct view in this matter is that
stated by a number of scholars, such as Abu Bakr ibn Abi Shaybah, Abu Ishaaq al-Jawzjaani
and Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on them), who said that it is the
woman’s duty to serve her husband within the bounds of what is reasonable and as
other women who are like her serve husbands who are like him. She also has to take care of
the house, doing things like cooking and so on, in accordance with what is customary among
people like her and her husband. This differs according to circumstances, time and place,
hence Ibn Taymiyah said: “This varies according to circumstances. What the Bedouin
wife has to do is not the same as what the urban wife has to do.”

The evidence for this more correct opinion is:

the Hadeeth of al-Bukhaari:

Imaam al-Bukhaari narrated in his Saheeh that Faatimah
(may Allaah be pleased with her), the daughter of the Prophet
(peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) asked him for a servant. He said, “Shall I not tell you of
something that is better for you than that? When you go to sleep, say ‘Subhaan-Allaah
(Glory be to Allaah)’ thirty three times, ‘Al-Hamdu Lillaah (praise be to
Allaah)’ thirty three times, and ‘Allaahu akbar (Allaah is Most
Great)’ thirty four times.” (Saheeh al-Bukhaari bi Sharh
al-‘Asqallaani, part 9/506).

Al-Tabari said, in his commentary on this
hadeeth: we may understand from this hadeeth that every woman who is able to take care of
her house by making bread, grinding flour and so on, should do so. It is not the duty of
the husband if it is the custom for women like her to do this themselves.

What we learn from the hadeeth is that when Faatimah (may
Allaah be pleased with her) asked her father
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
for a servant, he did not command her husband to find her a servant or hire someone to do
these tasks, or to do these tasks himself. If it were ‘Ali’s duty to do these
things, the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would have commanded him
to do them.

The hadeeth of Asma’ bint Abi Bakr

Imaam al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) reported in
his Saheeh that Asma’ bint Abi Bakr (may Allaah be pleased with her) said:
“I got married to al-Zubayr, and he had no wealth on earth and no slaves, nothing
except a camel for bringing water and his horse. I used to feed his horse and bring water,
and I used to sew patches on the bucket. I made dough but I was not good at baking bread,
so my (female) neighbours among the Ansaar used to bake bread for me, and they were
sincere women. I used to bring date pits from al-Zubayr’s land that the Messenger of
Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) had given to him, carrying them on my
head. This land was two-thirds of a farsakh away. One day I came, carrying the date
pits on my head, and I met the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him), who had a group of the Ansaar with him. He called me and made his camel kneel down,
for me to ride behind him, but I felt too shy to go with the men, and I remembered
al-Zubayr and his jealousy, for he was the most jealous of people. The Messenger of Allaah

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) realized that I felt shy, so he moved on. I
came to al-Zubayr and told him, ‘I met the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) when I was carrying date pits on my head, and he had a group of his
companions with him. He made his camel kneel down for me to ride with him, but I
remembered your jealousy.’ He said, ‘By Allaah, it bothers me more that you have
to carry the date pits than that you should ride with him.’” Asma’ said:
“After that, Abu Bakr sent me a servant to take care of the horse, and it was as if I
had been liberated from slavery.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, Fath,
9/319).

In the commentary on the hadeeth of
Asma’, it says: from this incident we may understand that it is the woman’s duty
to take care of everything that her husband needs her to take care of. This was the
opinion of Abu Thawr. Other fuqaha’ suggested that Asma’ did this voluntarily
and that she was not obliged to do it.

Ibn Hajar al-‘Asqallaani said: “It seems that this
incident – Asma’ carrying the date pitss to help her husband – and other
similar incidents were the matter of necessity, namely that her husband al-Zubayr and
other Muslim men were preoccupied with jihaad and other things that the Messenger of
Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) had commanded them to do, and they did
not have time to take care of domestic matters themselves, and could not afford to hire
servants to do that for them, and there was no one else who could do that apart from their
womenfolk. So the women used to take care of the home and whoever lived in it, so that the
men could devote their time to supporting Islam.”

Then he said (may Allaah have mercy on him): “What is
more likely is that the matter had to do with the customs in that land, for customs may
vary in this regard.”

It seems that what Ibn Hajar said is close to the view of
those who say that the wife has to take care of her husband and the home in accordance
with the dictates of local custom.

Ibn al-Qayyim said, concerning the story of Asma’:
“When the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw Asma’ with
the date pits on her head, and her husband al-Zubayr was with her, he did not tell him
that she did not have to serve him, or that this was unfair to her. He approved of her
serving him and of all the women among the Sahaabah helping their husbands. This is a
matter concerning which there is no doubt.”

The hadeeth of Jaabir

The Shaykh of the Muhadditheen, Imaam al-Bukhaari (may Allaah
have mercy on him) reported in his Saheeh that Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah said:
“My father died and left seven daughters, or nine daughters. I married a woman who
had been previously married, and the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said to me, ‘Did you get married, O Jaabir?’ I said,
‘Yes.’ He asked, ‘A virgin or a previously-married woman?’ I said,
‘A previously-married woman.’ He said, ‘Why not a young woman so you could
play and joke with one another?’ I said, ‘ ‘Abd-Allaah [the father of
Jaabir] has died and left behind daughters, and I would not like to bring them someone who
is like them, so I got married to a woman who can take care of them.’ He said,
‘May Allaah bless you’ or ‘Fair enough.’” (Saheeh
al-Bukhaari bi Sharh al-‘Asqallaani, vol.9/513).

The evidence derived from the hadeeth of
Jaabir is that al-Bukhaari introduced this hadeeth under the heading, “Baab
‘awn al-mar’ah zawjahaa fi waladih (Chapter: a woman helping her husband
with his children)”.

Imaam Ibn Hajar al-‘Asqallaani said, commenting on this
introduction by al-Bukhaari: “It seems that al-Bukhaari derived the idea that a woman
should take care of her husband’s children from the fact that the wife of Jaabir took
care of his sisters; if she should take care of his sisters then it is even more befitting
that she should take of his children.” (Saheeh al-Bukhaari bi Sharh
al-‘Asqallaani, vol.9/513).

We can say that the wife should take care of
her husband, as this is more befitting than her taking care of his sisters or his
daughters from another wife.

We may also understand from this hadeeth that what was
customary at the time of the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) was that women did not only take care of their husbands, they also took care of those
who were dependent on their husbands and lived in their houses.

The evidence that this understanding is correct is the fact that
the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not tell Jaabir
off for his reason for marrying a previously-married woman, which was that she could take
care of his sisters. This indicates that the custom among the Muslims at that time
dictated that the wife should take care of those who were under her husband’s care,
which means that the wife should serve her husband in those matters that are dictated by
local custom, because the husband’s right to be served by his wife comes before that
of his sisters.

‘Urf (custom)

General contracts – including marriage contracts –
should be governed by the customs that are known among the people, and the custom is that
the wife should serve her husband and also take care of matters in the home. In some
societies, the custom is that the wife should take care of more than the regular domestic
matters.

Imaam al-Qurtubi said, concerning the matter of the wife
serving her husband and taking care of the home: “This has to do with ‘Urf,
which is one of the bases of sharee’ah. The women of the Bedouin and the
desert-dwellers serve their husbands, even looking for fresh water and taking care of the
animals…”

What happens nowadays is that the wife – usually –
serves her husband and takes care of different matters within the home. There may be a
servant to help her with that if her husband can afford it. If the husband knows that the
majority of scholars say that it is not obligatory for the wife to serve her husband and
take care of the house, I say that one of the benefits of this may be that he will not go
to extremes and demand too much of his wife in this regard, and that he will not give her
a hard time if she falls short, because what she is doing is not a duty according to the
majority of fuqaha’. However, even it is a duty according to some of them – and
this is what we think is more correct – the fact that there is such a difference of
opinion means that the husband has to look at what she is doing as something voluntary
rather than obligatory, or something in which the scholars differ as to whether it is
obligatory, so he should be gentle with her if he sees that she is falling short in this
regard, and he should encourage her and help her to do it.