Ruling on kissing one’s wife in front of the children

 

What amount of affection can a husband and wife display in front of their children . Can they hug, kiss lightly, hold hands in front of their children?.

Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

The Islamic ruling on this matter is as follows: 

Firstly: If this hugging and kissing is of the type that
takes place between husband and wife when they are alone, then it is not
permissible to do it in front of the children whether they are little or
big. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“O you who believe! Let your slaves and slave‑girls, and
those among you who have not come to the age of puberty ask your permission
(before they come to your presence) on three occasions: before Fajr
(morning) Salaah (prayer), and while you put off your clothes for the
noonday (rest), and after the ‘Isha’ (night) Salaah (prayer). (These) three
times are of privacy for you; other than these times there is no sin on you
or on them to move about, attending to each other. Thus Allaah makes clear
the Ayaat (the Verses of this Qur’aan, showing proofs for the legal aspects
of permission for visits) to you. And Allaah is All‑Knowing, All‑Wise.

59. And when the children among you come to puberty, then
let them (also) ask for permission, as those senior to them (in age). Thus
Allaah makes clear His Ayaat (Commandments and legal obligations) for you.
And Allaah is All‑Knowing, All‑Wise”

[al-Noor 24:58-59] 

Ibn Katheer said: Here
servants and children are commanded not to intrude upon the adults of the
household at these times, lest the man be in a position of intimacy with his
wife and so on. (3/401). 

If children are obliged to seek permission lest they see
something of that which takes place between husband and wife, then what
about doing such things openly in a deliberate manner? Look at the etiquette
that was observed in the household of the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) and how the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with
them) transmitted the details of his life. 

The following was narrated from the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) concerning that: 

It was narrated from Kurayb the freed slave of ‘Abd-Allaah
ibn ‘Abbaas that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abbaas told him that he stayed overnight
with Maymoonah, the wife of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him), who was his maternal aunt. He said: I lay my head on the end
of the pillow and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) and his wife placed their heads on its side. The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) slept
until midnight, or shortly before or after, then the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) woke and started to rub the
sleep from his eyes with his hands. Then he recited the last ten verses of
Aal ‘Imraan… 

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4571; Muslim, 763. 

Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: This indicates
that it is permissible for a man to sleep alongside his wife without being
intimate with her in the presence of one of her mahrams, even if he has
reached the age of discernment. Al-Qaadi said: In some versions of this
hadeeth it says: Ibn ‘Abbaas said: I stayed overnight with my maternal aunt
one night when she was menstruating. Even though the isnaad of this version
is not saheeh, it contains a very interesting idea, because Ibn ‘Abbaas
would not have asked to stay overnight on a night when the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) may have wanted to be intimate
with his wife, and his father would not have sent him there unless he knew
that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would have
no need to be intimate with his wife – because it is well known that he
would not have been intimate with her when Ibn ‘Abbaas was there sharing the
same pillow with them and he was watching to see what the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did, and he did not sleep or he
only slept a little. 

Sharh Muslim, 6/46 

In addition, doing such things openly is an action that is
contrary to honour and decency. 

Al-Maawardi said: Honour
and decency means making sure that one’s deeds befit the circumstances so
that no deeds may appear abhorrent or blameworthy. 

Adab al-Dunya wa’l-Deen, 392. 

The negative effects that such behaviour has on the
children’s upbringing is sufficient reason not to do it, for children are
created with the natural instinct to imitate their parents in all their
affairs. So there is the fear that one of them may try to do that out of
ignorance and a lack of understanding of what he is doing, and this is bad
enough. Moreover there is no guarantee that small children talk to others
about what they have seen, and it is obvious that this will cause
embarrassment and loss of geerah (protective jealousy) 

Secondly: If the affection that the husband and wife show in
front of the children is of the kind that is usually shown, namely
compassion, kindness and care, which will fill the house with peace and
respect and happiness, especially on occasions such as Eid etc, that is
permissible. 

Showing that kind of affection will have an effect on the children’s peace of mind and will make them sense that there is mutual understanding and harmony in their family. There is nothing wrong with showing that kind of affection, but only as much as is necessary and without doing anything that is forbidden. And Allaah knows best.