Since then, Mack hasn’t dated much. “I decided I was going to concentrate on my career,” she says. She laughs when asked if she’d participate again. “Who knows! Maybe I might,” she says. “You have to put yourself out there.”
Despite multiple attempts to contact him for this article, Johnson was unreachable. But if he felt the heat of reader reaction, he can take solace in the fact that he hasn’t been alone. Daters often come under fire in the wild world of Date Lab’s online comment boards, where anonymous posters fire off opinions about everything from the daters’ choice of words to their clothing, the size of their bodies and even their prospects for happiness.
“Some people were saying that I should be fired,” recalls Todd Funkhouser, a high school teacher who says he was characteristically candid during his 2009 date and the post-date interviews. On the date, he’d suggested taking a photo of himself pretending to shove his date’s head toward his crotch. Afterward, he described her as, “definitely stockier than I’m interested in.” His antics resulted in his date, Kim Goldman, declaring him, “immature and socially awkward,” and the online commenters agreed.
“The funniest one I saw was a nomination for ‘most despicable Date Labber of the year,’ ” says Funkhouser, 39, who adds that the vitriol didn’t really surprise him.
As for Goldman, 38, as shocked as she was by Funkhouser’s description of her — “I’m a competitive triathlete!” she notes — she’s more forgiving. “I think that underneath that rough exterior he probably is a nice guy,” she says. Both are still single.
AND A TWIST
When things go wrong, we can take our lumps, but readers aren’t shy about calling for our heads. So, in 2008, after a string of bad dates, we decided to hand over the reins to someone else. Was this matchmaking gig actually so easy a monkey could do it? To find out, we enlisted the help of Armani, a capuchin from Rockville.
Decked out in a tux, Armani grabbed two photos from a row of 10 and tore them down the middle. We took that for a match.
And at first blush, it seemed Armani had scored one for monkeykind. His picks, Ginger Ammon and Matt Duffy, shared a pitcher of sangria, flirty laughs and a smooch. Both gave the date a glowing 5. In the years that followed, Date Lab mismatches were regularly met with demands that we “bring back the monkey!”
Except, well, it’s complicated.
When they were interviewed, Ammon and Duffy thought they’d have a second date, really they did. But a week went by, then another. While we were busy tossing kudos to Armani, Ammon found herself growing closer to someone she’d met just before going on Date Lab. And she admits now that she’d probably inflated her grade. Duffy, a blond former body builder and fraternity brother, wasn’t her type. On her questionnaire, Ammon had noted that she goes for dark hair, dark eyes, slim, foreign men and that she wasn’t a big fitness buff. Plus, “I don’t know if there was that instant connection,” she says. “[That’s] still what I’m looking for.”
So why the 5? Because the date was fun. And “he was a really nice guy, so I didn’t want to hurt his feelings,” she says.
Duffy stands by his 5. “There wasn’t ... that [feeling of] ‘I could spend the rest of my life with this person,’ but you never know that at the beginning,” he says.
And what being matched by a monkey? Duffy is unfazed. “It’s almost completely random, which is how you meet someone a lot of times anyhow,” he says. Ammon felt, “a little surprised,” then “kind of stupid. Like I felt like the joke was on us, and I didn’t sign up for that.”
Ammon, 32, went on to start a relationship with the man she’d met before Date Lab, but she’s now single. Duffy, also 32, found love without our help; he’s engaged and headed down the aisle in August.
Sometimes, too, we help make a match without even knowing it. Alex Ozenberger’s a successful Date Lab with Holley Simmons didn’t turn into a relationship. In fact, date No. 2 was a bomb. Simmons, 26, says the awkwardness she’d found endearing on the first date wasn’t that cute after all. Ozenberger, 25, says he knew he’d blown it. Flirting “is something I’ve always struggled with.”
The January article included an update that left no doubt that the initial spark had faded, but that weekend, “I got Facebook messages from, I think, three different girls,” Ozenberger says. “I wasn’t expecting that.”
Two he found “kind of weird,” but the third struck a chord. Its sender was Kathleen Sims, who had applied for Date Lab herself months earlier but hadn’t made our short list as a match for Ozenberger. To Sims, 23, he seemed “really cool, really laid-back” and, best of all, “he said that he’s happiest when he’s curled up with a mug of tea and a book,” she recalls. “I’m happiest like that, as well.”
Sims toyed with the idea of tracking down Ozenberger but worried she’d seem stalkerish. She read the article again. And again. “I was finally like, ‘Well, the worst that happens is that he just [doesn’t] reply.’ ”
In the Facebook message she told him, “I’m sure Holley is missing out.” Within an hour, there it was. More Facebooking and e-mailing followed, until the two agreed to meet.
Ozenberger struck her as down-to-earth, sweet and quiet, “but I’m quiet, too, so I don’t mind that,” she says. They had plenty in common, and, yes, they even had chemistry. “I was physically attracted to him right away,” Sims says. “He’s got these amazing blue eyes.” Soon they were “boyfriend and girlfriend,” Ozenberger says.
Simmons, now living in New York, fielded a flirty Facebook message of her own following Date Lab. A short-but-intense relationship followed, but she’s now single. “I decided to adopt the ‘it happens when you least expect it’ approach to love,” says Simmons.
HAPPILY EVER AFTER?
We might not have found a fail-proof recipe for a romantic spark, but our experiments have certainly been educational. We’ve learned that having your parents
drop you off for your date probably isn’t going to go over well. Air guitar moves can flop. Being an hour late doesn’t necessarily doom the night. Looks matter — even models get dinged on appearance — but a warm smile and an open attitude can go a long way.
We’ve learned that whether you’re a hipster, or a hippie, young or old, black, white, gay or straight, lighting someone’s fire often comes down to more than matching traits on a checklist.
But, above all we’ve learned that what you expect is rarely what you get. Sometimes delightfully so. Sometimes heartbreakingly so. Date Labbers Brodigan and Bradley hadn’t planned to find a spouse the night they met. But when they tied the knot, they were expecting some version of happily ever after. Then, life got in the way.
Brodigan calls the experience a bittersweet story. “If two people ever loved one another so madly and deeply it was us,” she says.
Bradley landed a restaurant gig in New York, and Brodigan followed him, landing a tech job of her own. At first, “we did great for each other,” says Bradley, now executive chef at Untitled, a new restaurant at New York’s Whitney Museum of American Art.“But personality-wise, we didn’t really work out.”
Brodigan says the transition from living single in Northern Virginia to married in uber-intense New York City “wasn’t the quirky transition that romantic comedies portray.” In New York, with its rock-star chef culture, “marrying a chef was a lot sexier to talk about than to live out,” says Brodigan. Her long work hours and the the demands of Bradley’s career made spending time together almost impossible.
By 2008, Bradley was moving out; they have since separated.
Still, Brodigan is hopeful for the future. She moved to San Francisco last summer; in the spring, she began dating a co-worker“who’s really awesome and special.” And this time, she’s focusing less on great beginnings and more on what follows. “Chris and I had such a great starting story, but it’s such a small thing,” she says. “Like, who even cares how a movie starts? You care how it finishes. It’s everything that comes afterward.”
And what comes after Date Lab hasn’t often been a happily-ever-after. Disappointing? Maybe. But it was hard to feel anything but giddy standing on a grassy lawn overlooking a lush Loudoun County vineyard, watching two more Date Labbers tie the knot earlier this month. Under a cloudless sky, McKnight and Schafer exchanged vows (hers started off with “I knew you were a catch when you wanted to go to the Library of Congress for our second date. On a Saturday night.”). They promised to love and honor each other, and were pronounced husband and wife by McKnight’s brother, who officiated.
“All You Need Is Love” played as the newlyweds headed back up the aisle, ready to start their next adventure.
Date Lab editors Amanda McGrath and Christina Breda Antoniades can be reached at datelab@washpost.com. Join them, along with Date Lab couple Megan McKnight and Grant Schafer, for a live chat Thursday at 1 p.m. ET.
Check out more updates on past Date Lab couples, photos from past dates and of daters mentioned in this story, and our by-the-numbers breakdown
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Single? If you’re in the Washington area, fill out our application and let us find you a match. Plus, follow us on Twitter @datelab, and join us on Facebook.. And indulge your Date Lab additction in our archive..
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