Dear Amy:
My dear husband of 30 years stated out of nowhere that our marriage was over. I asked why he was leaving, and he said he wanted a life like his single male friend has!
Ask Amy: Husband wants to leave wife, but also date her - The Washington Post
We were both very fortunate to have made good investments, so he was able to retire in his early 50s with very little to keep him busy. He frequents social clubs in our town on a daily basis. I am involved with all sorts of outside activities.
He is an only child and likes his time to himself, and I have given him that over the years. He says he wants to move out and try life on his own. He feels there must be more to life than what we have together. I have come up with loads of ideas to try and nothing interests him. He says there is no one else, and I trust there isn’t.
Instead of renting an apartment and trying a trial separation for six months, he’s already purchased a condo and will not be taking anything from our home except his personal things so as not to upset things here.
He said he would like to “date” me.
I have pleaded with him to try to work on our marriage. He says he feels this will probably be a big mistake but that he needs to do it “as an experiment.” He says I have done nothing wrong.
Do you think it’s a midlife crisis or another woman — and should I contact an attorney? I am very sad and confused. For the first time in my life, I do not know where to turn.
Money but no Happiness
Regardless of your husband’s motivations for leaving you, you should contact an attorney.
Because he has left and purchased property (possibly using shared marital assets), you should have an official separation agreement.
I realize that this isn’t really about money for you, but your husband can’t or won’t disclose his plans, and you have a duty to make sure your current household (including children, if any) can keep going without him.
If your husband wants to date you, then great! Let him court you, initiate dates, get to know you better, and wonder whether he’ll get lucky.
And make sure he uses a condom.
That’s if you want to date him, of course. You might decide that, despite your very long, shared history, you’re not eager to spend time with someone who could treat his marriage as an afterthought. You might not find this very attractive.
Dear Amy:
This is in response to “Tag Along,” whose friend enjoys bringing other people to her appointments.
I am a medical professional who works in a hospital. The only reason to bring someone to an appointment is if that person is unable to care for themselves. Other reasons: If the patient needs a ride to the appointment, help getting undressed for a test or is not mentally competent to give a good medical history, etc.
Doctor’s offices and hospitals have germs. People are there because they are sick. One good reason to stay home is concern for your own health.
Health-Care Professional
Great point.
Dear Amy:
“Dog Tired” was wary of his girlfriend’s joint-custody, dog-sharing arrangement with her ex. You suggested that if he wanted to be with her, he should embrace the dogs. That’s terrible advice. He said he doesn’t like dogs.
Disappointed
The girlfriend’s relationship with these dogs preceded her relationship with him. Because most dog owners consider their dogs to be family members, they should be seen as part of the package.
Write to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.
2011 by the Chicago Tribune
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